Three Things I Have Learnt About Good Discernment
The community I am a part of sets aside the month of October every year to enter into an intentional time of discernment. This time has become so part of who we are, that the phrase ‘Discernmentober’ has become commonplace.
Discernmentober began as a month when people from our community would actively contemplate whether they would join one of our community houses for the following year. The month of discernment included encouragement to meet weekly with a ‘buddy’, pray about the decision, speak to trusted friends and family and make time to understand and count the costs of what joining entails.
This ritual has now extended past the scope of our community houses. Every October, we are joined in our discernment by others who have witnessed the importance of this practice to discern other things - occupation, relationships and their own sense of call.
Before joining this community, I had never experienced a time of intentional discernment before. In the last five years, I have learnt three important things about good discernment:
1. Discernment is different to making a decision
The world we live in is constantly telling us to make decisions. Advertising tells us to make a decision to buy something, media tells us to make a decision about how we feel about an issue, and streaming platforms and food delivery services mean we are having to make more decisions than ever about what we eat and what we watch.
Each of these types of decision-making have something in common - they ask us to decide based on how we are feeling at the time. Scrolling social media and see an item of clothing you like in the moment? Buy it. Feel like pizza? Order it. Feeling like zoning out to a romantic comedy with an espionage twist? Stream it.
Whilst these capitalise on quick, emotive decision making, discernment doesn’t ask you to make a call in a moment. In fact, discernment isn’t based around how you feel at any one moment. It is based upon checking in with yourself, with God, and with people you trust over often an intentional period of time.
2. It is important to put time aside for discernment
When I talk about discernmentober, I often get the same reaction - people ask, ‘shouldn’t we be discerning all the time?’ Why limit this important and sacred practice to one calendar month? The reality is - whilst this could be awesome, we lack the time and resources to be constantly discerning well.
The house I live in has two spare rooms, which we often use for emergency accommodation and short-term stays. The nature of emergency accommodation means that, when a need comes up, it’s often because someone needs a place to stay immediately.
When this request comes, the person receiving it often doesn't have the time to contact all ten of our flatmates about it, sit in prayer, and consult with those around them for an extended period of time. They often need to make a decision in the moment.
In these moments, they rely on the fact that our house has put hours of discernment into who we are. We have discussed, prayed, and consulted the wisdom of others around the types of accommodation we can offer - and what situations we are able to say ‘yes’ to.
This intentional time of set aside discernment empowers people to make decisions in the moment knowing they aren’t just relying on their own feelings at that point in time.
3. Making one big decision gives you freedom from always having to make smaller ones
When I first heard it, the idea of making one big discernment that you then must commit to living by for the next period of time sounded awful. There is something about it that grates on the desire for independence, individuality and spontaneity.
One of the biggest learnings for me has been that discernment doesn’t trap you - in fact, it frees you from all of the small decisions you otherwise need to make daily.
In our house, we host a community dinner every Thursday night. On these nights, every person who has committed to the house is expected to be present. There have been more Thursdays I can count where the last thing I have felt like doing is hosting people. There is a bizarre correlation where these Thursdays have been the most fun, rewarding, and joyful community dinners.
They are the nights where, if it wasn’t for my big discernment - or for the accountability from my flatmates that comes out of saying ‘yes’ to others - I would be in my room watching Netflix. Instead, I have found my tiredness, grumpiness or hopelessness shaken away by good food and company.
My big discernment to put every Thursday night aside for the year means that every Thursday night I don’t need to summon the strength and energy to say ‘yes’ to hosting people. All I need to do is turn up at home. I have the freedom to trust in the discernment I made last October where I asked myself, God, and my friends if this would be best for me.
Leaning into discernment means liberating ourselves from the immense pressure of knowing what is best for us in any one moment. It frees us to lean into God, the people we trust, and the choices we made when we weren’t at the end of a long day.
Esmé Putt
Esmé has a lot of hobbies, and even more flatmates. She currently leads the missional community programme at Blueprint Church in Pōneke, and lives alongside twelve others attempting to shape their lives around their neighbourhood and rhythms of prayer and hospitality.