Why Life Groups Are Killing Me
I have an allergic reaction to ‘Life Groups’. Anyone who has led alongside me could tell you this.
For a decade, I’ve either avoided making them a part of our church eco-system, or I’ve reshaped them into something that feels more ‘authentic’ to my enneagram four sensibilities.
I’ve wrestled with this recently as we look to the growing needs of the church plant I lead in Brooklyn. We started as a missional community of five people committed to daily rhythms of prayer, mission, and hospitality. As our community has grown, we now have a wider family which has different needs and demands on their time. Once again, I’m faced with the inconvenient question, “should we start life groups?”
Let me be clear. I don’t like life groups.
But as with everything we feel deeply about, we have a responsibility to interrogate where those feelings come from. Are they the fruit of a genuine prophetic discontent, the result of some deep jealous dysfunction, or - most likely - a bit of both? Here’s what I think might be going on with me.
In short, my experience is that most life groups suffer from three things:
Firstly, life groups are usually irregular. Participants are often uncommitted, coming and going as they choose, and so they are never able to develop deep enough trust in the room to go on meaningful spiritual journeys together, or even just to develop genuine relationships.
Secondly, they are unaccountable. We turn up, we reflect, we talk, and then maybe we pray. But for many of us, our most inspired realisation is quickly swept aside as we head back into the hurry of the working week, discarded like a used receipt. We are never together for long enough to counter the predominant cultural liturgies of the marketplace.
Thirdly, they are insular. When they’re working, these groups grow deep and trusting relationships that nourish each other’s journey with Jesus. But even at their best, they scarcely result in a deeper commitment to participating in God’s mission of hospitality, mercy, and restoring all things.
To summarise: Life Groups are often irregular, unaccountable, and insular.
But what if the people within them made a commitment to being regular, accountable, and missional? Could this frustrating and insipid little phrase - ‘Life Group’ - actually come to be full of the ‘life’ it claims to hold?
When Jesus called his disciples he used the Rabbinic phrase “come, follow me” (Matt 4:19) which placed him within the teaching tradition of Jewish religious leaders. His disciples understood that when they said yes to this invitation, they were going on a journey of change and transformation.
And he does three interesting things:
He says to the fishermen“lay down your nets” (Luke 5:4). He begins with the simple mathematical equation that hands which are already full can’t hold something new. To go on the Jesus journey, some things will have to be laid down. He asks them to create enough room in their lives to spend time with him. He asks them to become regulars with him - close mates.
Secondly, he enters into tricky conversations with those who follow him when their words don’t match their actions. He confronts the egos of two disciples who want glory (Mark 10:35-40), he questions Peter’s unbelief (Matt 16:21-24), and he tells them that just a little more faith could turn the world upside down (Matt 17:20-21). He asks them to be accountable to the faith they claim to hold.
And thirdly, he sends them out. When Jesus draws together crowds of people from an oppressed minority he doesn’t primarily assemble a discussion group to unpack Roman occupation, he forms a missional community. Rather than a year of catechism in closed conference rooms, he shapes his disciples on the road (Luke 9:1-2), as they try to give legs to the new kingdom by bringing good news to the poor and release for captives (Luke 4:18). He asks them to be missional - joining in on God’s work in the world by making their lives about others.
I think I struggle with life groups because I’m not sure there is a way of being a group that is full of “life” which isn’t regular, accountable, and missional.
When we are regular, we journey deeply together often enough to really start to take hold of our essential nature as the beloved children of God.
When we are accountable, we begin to hear what Jesus says and to actually implement this in our lives. We start to really change.
And when we are missional, we join God in the neighbourhood to embody the goodness of the Kingdom we believe is coming. And most importantly, our hearts and minds are liberated from thinking about ourselves all the time.
This is life, and when we do this together, I think we can call that a ‘Life Group’.
Rev. Scottie Reeve
Scottie heads up the Catch Network. He loves helping people starting brand new things to make it through the trickiness and the loneliness of starting from scratch. Scottie is based in Wellington.